what I like about waking up in the morning is the cold weather.
getting up from bed, boiling water for a cup of coffee, showering, getting dressed, walking to the main streed to have a jeepney ride. it's a warm fuzzy feeling inside despite the cold environment.

i don't know what i want in life but thinking about little things that makes me feel that i like to live extends my desire to be alive.

Shifted

Smile because it happened

I may be going on to a different ward, but that doesn't mean that my learning would be less that of my previous ward. I am happy to be able to experience Nephrology ward for 2 weeks. My stay there enabled me to experience various skills, witness emergencies and be a part of that team who helped the patient.  The quote I've posted helped me move on and accept my fate. 

This may be for the better and I would love to be rotated every 2 weeks! XD

Trying to build a positive perspective.

Going to be better at my profession.

Hello EENT!

Day 1

The big day has come. We finally learned what ward we are going to be assigned. I can remember how my conversation with my interviewer went -- it was weird. I talked weird, gave weird answers, didn't explain myself well. LOL. In the end there was one thing that I learned... he was cute.

Anyway, I'm not about to praise his smile or whatever, I just want to express myself as a novice nurse.

I really admire what the theorist Patricia Benner said about the experience of a nurse. She believes that people can acquire skills without knowing why, they just have to know how. In addition, she ranked nurses based on experiences. When I found my category, I was very relieved. Novice: No experience.

It's like end of story for the drama I was undergoing. I hate how institutions appears to be monsters and perfectionists that once you enter their vicinity, you got to have hands that moves quickly and all those. Too bad, there ain't no one in the nursing industry who gains a lot of money instantly. It's hard work. ALL hard work.  You work without pay? What other job would do that.

I don't know if later on, I will think or weigh which one do I prioritize.

In the long run I might even realize, that because I love what I am doing I want to start challenging myself. Be competitive in the nursing field and satisfied every single day that "Thank God! I am a Nurse"

Right now, my heart is filled with fear. My hands will tremble... well hopefully not. I mean I know I would really feel so low even if I am already licensed. It's so different.

Despite of that feeling, I am telling myself that I can do it. I am trying to reduce the fear I am feeling. I am slowly converting fear into concentration, presence of mind, and stock knowledge. Combine the 3 and then POOF. A new skill is the result.

One of the organic nurse says, "Keep calm and slowly build confidence" I can't help but nod my head.

I am expecting shouts, misbehaviours, test of knowledge. Sure. Go. Bash. Trash talk? I've played games to test my capacity. hahaha.

Yup.
Journey continues.

Carpe diem :)

Isn't it ironic?

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you

When you think everything's okay and everything's going right

And life has a funny way of helping you out when

You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up

In your face

What's happening to me now, I find it a big mystery. How I got here was not based on my efforts alone. I didn't dream or thought this would happen. I just... go with the flow. My mind is filled with thoughts that would probably kill me, make me depressed, and make me feel worthless at times -- but still I know I want to do this. I want to improve, I want to be of service. I want to feel worthy, alive, and happy of what I will do. 

Happiness is a hard find. Or probably I'm just making it hard for me sometimes. Although I pray that I will be able to get out of my cage and fill my empty soul. Yes I feel caged and empty. 

Goodluck to me! 

I feel that my heart just exploded. 

I let my mom check what I've wrote and she like, didn't understand a thing. She had a lot of comments which were irritants to my ears. I shouted, told her what part did she didn't understand? Like I've explained stuff there and all shit why can't she understand?

She kept on telling how bad it was I ended up getting the paper and crumpling it. I went to youtube, played 2NE1's new song Falling in Love and put it on replay while I decided to delete every single word I've written and write something new. 

Poof. 

I printed it out and she said that this new essay was better. And she can understand now. 

I don't fucking know how to feel. I wrote it out of frustration and not using my heart! The first one was from my heart and this was out of frustration... and she liked it moar? SURE. 

Well. 

It honestly scares me on how I'll rage in the future. 

If I am already training. 

...

Well probably mom caught the wrong timing. Like, I was playing that time. LMAOOOOO. Yea. That.